Journal 14-June-2012

Navigation. The mutant kept in the bottom. Blond girls. Chewing on licorice and drinking gallons of whiskey. I watch them all on the television. I'm sitting on my couch. It's raggedy and uncomfortable. Colored gray & red. My lover says it's ugly. But I keep it around. You never know when the tornado will come. The storms. The bolted down artistic farm tools- they won't leave. They're mine. You cannot steal them. Along the really tall wall. The overgrowth is coming again. The weeds the thistles the allergies. I haven't gotten around to cleaning up in a couple of years. I just sat on my couch. If there is something praiseworthy, it will appear to me on the tv. I wait until that happens. 'Cuz the day will come. When I have- when I gain the motivation to be strong and wise. I'll continue my journey. I'll divide the surreal into two parts. Unequal - uncategorized. I'll walk amoungst the fountains the ancient statues the fabulous paintings the garbage of 1000s of years. I'll collect the broken dolls. I just sat on my couch. It's a fantastic plan. But my imagination has already been illustrated by the commercials. Price tags on my mind. It's junk. But my lover still wants to buy it. My naked benefactor wants to buy it. Will they ever meet? Have they already?

The naked man whispers into my ear. "Peas and never youngsters in the Mammon school. The infants on the shocking metal floor. Crying. It was you, your infancy." He shows me pictures of me as a baby. He was in one of them with me. He's about 10 years older than me. This naked man must be very wise. My chest begins to hurt. I guess he's showing me something I don't want to see. Professing something I don't want to admit.

I run again. The sun & wind caressing my body. Warmth fills every fiber & sinew. I know not where I run to. There are small bushes and dirt in all directions as far as you can see. I run and run. It is carnal primitive and liberating. I run into a dry river. The sand slows me down. I find my lover standing just off to the side. She digs in her purse for a while. She acknowledged my presence with a smile. And a camera. She takes a picture of me in the sand. I cover my face. She puts her camera back into her purse and joins me and embraces me.