Thursday, November 6, 2014

a little musing on love

I'm leaving Tucson in a few months to go to Mortician school in the Valley. This weekend is my last performance with SASO, which is super sad. I love my symphony.

So I went to see Bob Dylan in Los Angeles. I'm proud to say it was the best thing I've ever done. I've heard that Bob Dylan is hit or miss because he's so old. But that night he delivered! It was powerful beautiful and wonderful. It was the finest concert I've ever been to, or probably ever go to. Driving all night with my siblings was fun too.

So I need people around me all the time. So they call me a social butterfly, or an extrovert. Which I suppose is true. I meet lots of people and get to know them a little bit, but then I have my close friends that I value a TON. I love them, and I tell them I love 'em. Sometimes they're not convinced though.

If I throw my love around too easily it makes my love less special. hmn. I don't believe that, but some of my heroes do. I guess if I really valued them I'd take their advice and not use the "l" word so easily. And I think I am, I'm changing, my friends are influencing me. It'd be a good thing too, if "love" was a more special word to me. Let's go beyond that, if love were more special to me. Not just the word, but the feeling behind it. I should treat love more respectfully, not diminish its meaning by throwing it around.

Although I think being super liberal with loving is good too. It makes me feel good, makes others feel good. So it's 6-a-one-half-a-dozen-the-other. Not a bad dilemma. haha.

I'm changing though, because the ones I love the most are also the ones who think love is special. I respect that so much. And it's why I love 'em.

This only applies to friendship love, which is all I have right now.

Almond Blossoms by Van Gogh

Thursday, October 9, 2014

Exploded Tire Tai Chi Rap

I haven't written in a long time. I never find the time. Well. My life is super exciting.

Last week I spent an evening with Allex, I love her so much. She invited me to the Blitzen Trapper concert in Phoenix. It was a fantastic concert. But the best part was talking with and hugging Allex. Allex has a Mustang Convertible, after the concert she took down the top and it was a beautiful perfect moment. She and I talk about serious things, we talk about light things, we communicate super well, it's never awkward. That's important.
The next day I couldn't get over how perfect of a night it was. Allex is wonderful.

Then there was a whole bunch of crazy adventure. My Birthday, Ballet Class, my symphony concert, making new friends, more concerts.

Yesterday though. I sleep in. Ai yi yi. So I throw on an outfit and run out the door. I'm driving on the freeway when I feel this bump bump bump bump and then it turns into BUMP BUMP BUMP BUMPBUMPBUMPBUMPBUMP and then my tire explodes. The whole tread ripped right off. I coast to the side and I'm not scared at all, but I'm like super sad I'm going to miss my accounting class. It was like really dangerous too. I was going 80 and if I touched the brakes my car would've jerked to the side and I would've got into a bad accident. That's scary to think about, but I was very cool calm and collected.

A police officer stops to see whats up and I'm like "oh you know, my tire just exploded it's nbd. Want a granola bar?" And he didn't want a granola bar. It was actually pretty lucky that he stopped because I got a fix it ticket for my license plate light and he needed to sign it to prove I got it fixed. But he didn't help me change my tire. I did that all by myself.

The bad news was the spare was so flat it wasn't even funny. I felt pretty stupid having discovered that after I tightened up the lug nuts. I call my Mom and she brings a air tank but the bad part is my spare tire was flat because it had a leak, so the air tank was useless. We leave my car there, and drive to the tire store.

A new tire cost $80.03 but I haggled it down to $80. haha.

Then my Mom drives me back to the freeway where my pitiful little car is and I change the tire again. It's really cool being on the side of a freeway. Also the weather was beautiful. I liked soaking up the situation. It was seriously an adventure.

I make it to Tucson shortly after 10 and I go to City court to give 'em my fix it ticket but the line was forever long. I met a cool guy named Josh and we talked. I'm glad I went just because I like making friends. Even though I'll probably never see him again. I couldn't stay, and I was pretty shook up that I missed my accounting class and almost died. So I went and got Eegee's.

I get to my Business class and do some homework and then class starts and my teammates don't show up and I'm like. "I'm the one with a exploded tire today and I'M here on time what's their problem?" But they get there. I freaked out for no reason.
It started raining, and after class I walk in the rain and get very wet and then drive to violin lesson.

I was ill prepared for violin lessons. Which isn't cool. I'm usually much more prepared. My poor teacher was frustrated, I was frustrated. It has to be that way though. Violin is difficult. I'm playing Mozart and Bach and my teacher wants me to get the sheet music for Bruch. I love the Mozart. Its the violin concerto no.4 which is probably the most difficult piece I've ever tried to play. Mozart has to be perfect. Perfect technique perfect intonation and perfect style. Perfection.

Then it was time for fun. Isaac, Rex and I went to do Tai Chi. Dude aren't we the coolest kids ever? I've never done Tai Chi. It was actually a real workout. Even though we didn't do anything strenuous, just moved real slow like. But it was fun and difficult trying to control my body like that. Some of the moves had funny names like "frightened monkey" and "spirit of water." We listened to new age Chinese music. haha. The teacher said Tai Chi is super healthy, but I don't know what it's supposed to improve.

Then I meet my two favorite people for a rap concert. Elida and Dave H. We saw Brother Ali. Which is positive rap! I was so glad! Like it was happy rap and it wasn't over the top vulgar. There was rapping about social issues and that's just awesome! It was a super good show. I danced. People were having a good time. People were being morally challenged. Rap/hip-hop is great music.  

Dave and Elida and I go get water at Shot in the Dark and we laugh and talk and joked about how I don't watch mainstream movies because I'm vegan. haha!!! I drive 'em back to their cars but on the way we start talking about the heavy stuff and I didn't want to stop this kind of conversation. Like suicide and rape and forgiveness and the effects of abuse. Of course it's not easy to talk about, but man, its all so near and dear to us. You're getting to really know and trust somebody. The rap party is over, this is real human connection, intellectual and emotional and spiritual.

So we go to Losbeto's and get horchata. Elida yawns and it's like 1 o'clock. Man alive it was a great day. I didn't want it to end. I love Dave H so much. I love Elida so much. I love Rex and Isaac and I love my business class and I love my violin teacher and I even love Josh. I love my Mom!

Wood Stove by Andrew Wyeth

Tuesday, August 26, 2014

Vivaldi's 4 Seasons Ballet

Last Thursday we went to California. Los Angeles. We went for my nephews baptism. It was super great. It was great to get all the kids together. By kids I mean the grand children I love all those kids so much. It was great to see hang out with my siblings too. We really like hanging out.

Friday we went to the Getty. It was wonderful. I had an emotional breakthrough while looking at a Degas. I love art so much. It was kinda hard to enjoy with 8 kids all going crazy all the time. The poor workers were so nervous. But it went well, the kids were pretty well behaved.

My brother Morris and I went to Amoeba records but got there 10 minutes before it closed. Man. I got one cd. It wasn't Emancipator or Mooncake though, which are the rare cds I wanted to find. Oh well. Next time. It was fun anyway.

The baptism was beautiful. I got to confirm him. That was great. I love confirmations. And we went to a gym that night for all the kids to jump around and play in the foam pit. Super fun. Adults weren't allowed to play. But I did anyway. I only got in trouble once. Haha. I love jumping around. I did flips. I tried to do hand springs but I couldn't. I've never done gymnastics, I should've, its super fun.

We left Saturday night at 8 and got home at 4. Wowzers. That was hilarious. It was so tiring. But I went to church at 9 anyway. I loved church. I was so tired and loopy. All the new kids were there too which was a hoot. I met so many people.

There was a ballet at 2 I needed to go to. In fact the reason I wanted to come home saturday night instead of sunday just so I could go see the ballet. It's hard asking people to ballets. I would've been okay to go by myself, but I asked this new girl at church because she said she liked ballet. We exchanged numbers, but she ended up not coming. But James W. came! and I love him. Georgia came too! Both of 'em said they liked ballet.

It was BEAUTIFUL!!! It was Artifact Dance Project here in Tucson and they were super professional. It was very contemporary. I was completely mesmerized. It was based off Vivaldi's Four Seasons. So it wasn't much longer than an hour. Which is perfect. Long ballets can get boring. Lauren Roth played the solo. She's amazing. After the concert I found her and gave her a hug. Which is totally bad for her professional image but whatever.

Georgia, James and I hung out for a while and of course talked about politics religion and sexism for a few hours. I love talking about that kind of stuff. Although I can't keep up with Georgia and James. Both of them are so much smarter than me. It's good for me to hang out with them though. It stretches my mind.

Then I decided to get a game night put together. Even though I didn't really want to play games. I just wanted to chat. It was the perfect group of people to chat with. David, Annabeth, Lorena, Elida, Danielle, Alejandra, Bert, Lindsey, Noah. I invited the new girl (the one I earlier invited to the ballet) with a text. I got this in response: "Mate your texting the wrong number, so who ever you trying to get a hold of isn't getting them."

Well ain't I a dope! she gave me a fake number. haha. I don't imagine I'll ever talk to her again. Which is sad because we go to the same church. I'm not offended or anything. I wish her well.

Last night I did the ice bucket challenge at Annabeth's house. That was great There was like 10 super cool people there. I hung out with Annabeth mostly. She's great because she plays the cello and is super funny and she's gorgeous. Like Greek goddess status, except prettier. Is it weird to talk about beautiful girls on your blog? Is it ethical to hang out with them because they're pretty? Hmn. I guess I'm not as feminist as I thought I was. oh well. It's funny because Annabeth and I talk about feminism quite a bit haha.

I met Noah Sunday night. And let me tell you. He is my favorite person. He is SO cool. Pretty much wish I were him. I thoroughly facebook stalked him. Annabeth thinks it's ridiculous because I like everybody. And its true. I do like everybody. The ice bucket challenge video is on my facebook.

The Convalescent by Degas

Tuesday, August 19, 2014

inner inn in in please

It's been non stop since Friday afternoon. It's Tuesday Morning. Wowzers.

My friend Chad came into town! It was awesome. He's like my best friend. I met him on 4th ave. He doesn't really know his way around Tucson so that was a minor miracle that I found him there. He brought Blythe. Blythe is so awesome too. I take em both to Bison Witches. So delicious. And we chat and gossip.

Then we go to the egg drop activity. Now this was kinda dumb. Not a lot of people showed up and they gave us all paper cups and straws and we were supposed to make a protective thing to keep the egg safe. We stuffed ours full of grass. So guess what. Ours was the only egg that didn't break, but we were disqualified for using grass. It was like so sad. because the winner got a gift certificate to the Good Egg. I don't know who got it. hmn. Well whatever. Linnea and Jessica joined our little circle and we go to Jessica's for a while to play Bang! Bang! is a funny game. I've played it many times but I never quite understand it. I have to duck out early to go pick up Russell though. I love Russell. We all go to the Foothills mall to watch the Giver.

The Giver was okay. Like I liked it for the same reasons I liked the book, the content is thought provoking and a little shocking. The movie didn't stay very true to the book. It was good enough though. And some of the scenes were super pretty. Have you read the Giver?

Chad and I go to my house and we have bro time. He and I talked about pre-destination, agency, time, crazy things. It's so great to talk about those things. And we talked about Slaughter-House Five. And How it made him depressed, but I wasn't depressed. and How watching the movie the Tree of Life made me depressed and didn't make him depressed. He and I get along so great.

We leave at 8 in the morning Saturday because the onions were stinging our eyes. We drive to Jessica's I was wearing a tie. Jessica and I had to go to a funeral. I was glad to go. I like funerals. It was for Brother Goodman, of course I cried. I didn't really know him too well, but it was a very special and touching service.

Then Blythe (who stayed at Jessica's) Jessica Chad and I go to the Good Egg. haha. It was pretty good. I like Bison Witches better. And pretty much everything on 4th ave is my favorite haha. Then we had a few hours to kill. so it was to Barnes and Noble!!! Yay!! Chad and Jessica absolutely love books. So it was perfect. I bought a Childish Gambino cd. I never listen to rap so it's a new thing for me, but I love it and I can't stop listening to it!

we walk around the mall laughing at everything and I'm especially scatterbrained. We ran into Alma Lopez at the mall so that was super cool. We had to give the news that Brother Goodman died so that was super sad. But I love Alma so it was great to see her.
We go to Saks 5th Avenue. They have this wonderful clearance sale. Chad and I now look like super hipsters now.

 We meet a whole bunch of people at the El Con Mall to Watch Guardians of the Galaxy. I'm super tired. I slept for a little bit of it. It was a funny movie. It was just really wacky. So I liked it well enough. It was pretty entertaining. Isaac, Zack, David W, David I, Alex, Ryan and Kelsy come join us. I invited lot's of people. Only boys came though haha.

Then it was time for ultimate frisbee but we're starving so we get in and out burger. Which took two seconds, Blythe never had in and out. so it was special. We drive forever to get to Ultimate Frisbee. Blythe is like a beast at it. And that finished out Saturday. I get home so late.

At 6 in the morning Sunday my parents wake me up because they wanted me to look at a rainbow. haha. I love my parents.

Sunday was another crazy adventure all day. Mostly churchy stuff. I played the musical number in 5th ward it went well. Jessica and I ate lunch. I did some home teaching. Watched 17 miracles with some people. Play games. Hang out with Sonora in the evening. Then go home. haha. Saturday was the best because I hung out with Chad the whole day.

Monday I worked and then made salsa and then went to Loren's because he made dinner for a few people. Teresa and Israel were there too. Loren made delicious Pho. It was amazing. Then I go pick up Russell to go to Family home Evening. It was a water balloon fight. Super fun. I talked to Annabeth there. Annabeth is amazing. I love her. She is so funny and friendly but she always manages to talk sense into me. Which is good for me. And James W is there. James is literally like a god. I'm unworthy to kiss his feet. Not that I would, but you know. He's like such a cool guy.

Then I pick up Genevieve to go to a concert at Club Congress. Russell found his own way home. The ATM at Club Congress didn't work and the concert sounded amazing. So Genevieve and I ran to Wells Fargo like 4 blocks away. I ran the whole way. I should probably run like for real. I like the feeling of running. I don't have an athletic bone in my body though. I get money and its 9:20. we go back to Club Congress and the show's over! Like what?! I'm glad the ATM didn't work at Club Congress because we would've paid for like 1 or 2 songs. Ai yi yi.

So we go do Karaoke at Shooters' because it was Odassis' last night in Tucson. So that's a thing. It was funny having so many Mormons in a bar. Kieth was there. Kieth is awesome. Like he's another man I idolize. He's so cool.

And Life is pretty good. Now I'm so tired, but I have work in a few minutes. All these adventures are wearing me out!! I have plans for tonight too!

Tuesday, August 12, 2014


So I was in Southern Mexico for a while. I was "unplugged" as they say. Since getting back yesterday I have not done anything except look at facebook. haha.

The Southern Arizona Symphony Orchestra took a trip to Oaxaca to participate in the Oaxaca opera festival. I'm way lucky I was able to participate. There was a ton of music and that was crazy. There were lot's of singers and that was fun. I'm not sure why Lerner (our conductor) wanted to do this, but these singers don't get opportunities to sing with an orchestra. There's a lack of orchestras in Mexico. So Lerner took us to Mexico!

Airports are fun. Corporate control at its finest! haha. Georgia and I carpooled and we talked all about feminism on the way up. That was so great. I like talking about it. She majored in Women's Studies at the University of Arizona so she had a lot more to say about it than I even knew about. It really opened up my eyes. Also Georgia is so fun, we got along wonderfully.

The language barrier was a thing. Thankfully Hiedi spoke Spanish fluently, Georgia and I relied on her a lot. haha. Practice was 4 hours everyday. 6 hours on Saturday. And a performance Saturday night. We played a lot of Verdi and Puccini. Beautiful music. Some pieces I just wanted to cry they were so beautiful.

I visited a lot of Catholic Churches. They were so beautiful, I wanted to take pictures, but they were holy places and that's a little disrespectful. People were praying in them. I don't think that'd be appropriate. Hiedi and I went to the Mormon Temple too. That was great. I love the Temple so much.

I bought 2 shirts and a Dia de los Muertos style skull. Ate at restaurants every meal. Food is pretty cheap down there. I loved the trip so much!

I visited Monte Alban Ruins. That was amazing. These things were so old and so solid and so impressive. People built things to last back then.

I wasn't just a tourist. We worked with opera singers from Mexico and it was great. I became friends with a few of them. Mexicans are so friendly and so fun. I had a great time. I'm definitely going next year and taking friends!

Sunday, August 3, 2014

Shattered Glass in the Road

It rained yesterday so my boss gave me the whole day off. Which is nice. Just to sit around and relax. Just joking. I had an adventure because that's what I do. If you never slow down you never grow old.

My Dad fixed the TV. Man alive. I worked so hard at it but eventually gave up. Then Dad comes along and fixes it because he's the real man of the house.

My family goes to the Temple but I stayed behind because there's 2 baptisms I wanted to see. I wish I could've gone but your friends baptisms don't happen everyday. Actually one of the baptisms I didn't even know the girl. I cried anyway because the Holy Ghost is so strong at baptisms. Truly, it's beautiful. I love the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.

So after the baptism (the baptism was at noon), I went to Bookmans to get a new chord for the Super Nintendo. I ran into Zach there. I love Zach, he's so cool. We chatted for a while. He likes scary music, and he has a funny attitude. I invited him to other things but he wanted to stay home. We had a fun time at Bookmans though.

Then I hang out with Russell. I love Russell, he's so good in every way. He's very kind and very calm. We chatted about life. I could've talked to him forever. He and I went to the baptism at 4. It was raining cats and dogs at this point so it was kinda scary. He lives right by the church so that's nice.

I ended up playing the piano for that baptism. It felt good to help out. Kirsten the girl that got baptized is awesome. I'm so happy for her. Of course I cried. haha.

Then I go visit Carol. Just to check up on her. She lives alone and has Parkinson's and that makes me nervous. She's my old violin teacher. She's such a sweet lady. I need to check up on her more often. She's crazy though, she's not in very good health but that doesn't stop her. She's always out doing stuff. Carol's one of my heroes. Like really, I love her.

At about 5:30 I go hang out with Gabe. Gabe is a really nice guy. He's happy and friendly. I changed out of my tie at his house. And played video games. I don't have enough of an attention span though. So we played this crazy seizure inducing game called geometry wars or something like that on the xbox. And we played Super Smash Brothers! Also a seizure inducing game but so fun. I was plenty tired but this point.

But then it was time for a concert! I love concerts! Steff and the Articles. Super cute amazing local band. Like they could be really popular. The lead singer was this tiny little girl. (she was about my age but she was a tiny lady) She had a beautiful voice and played piano. And there was a violin in the band too. Which makes it amazing.

I picked up Genevieve for the concert. Genevieve is so great. We get along wonderfully. Ans she's very pretty. Kacy met us after the concert, just to hang out. But I was really tired by that point so I ducked out. Got home just before 11. Fell right to sleep.

6 am Mom wakes my brother and I up and tell us to come clean up the road. There was a shattered mirror on the road right in front of our house. It was a pretty big mirror too. It was cool to clean up the road while the sun was just coming up. Well, it had been up for a while, but I never see it in the east because I sleep a lot. So I guess somebody lost a mirror and didn't bother to clean it up last night.

My Brother, Mother and Father cleaning up the road.

My Brother and I

Saturday, August 2, 2014


I got a haircut. It looks so fresh! I went out with Jessica and Genevieve and Russell the other day. Russell is so cool. He's like a saint. Everything he says and does is perfect. haha. And it was so good to see Jessica again. She's like my best friend. And Genevieve is great as always. Super fun. She and I have so much fun! Oy I love life.
Then I had Opera practice. 3 hours dude. I met the girl I'm going to carpool with to the airport and her name is Georgia and she's super cool. Then I went to Elida's movie party. Fun times. Elida said I was popular and everybody likes me. haha. I wish.
That was Thursday.

On Friday There was East Coast swing dance at the institute. That was a ton of fun. but I'm not a good dancer. I go to lots of these dancing things, but I just don't have the magic. oh well. It's fun getting to know so many girls though. And I returned James' shoes.

I was invited by two people to First Friday Night Shorts at The Loft. Let me tell you it was the strangest experience of my life. I loved it. The idea is it's a film festival and local people make shorts and if you don't like it then you yell "GONG" and if enough people yell "gong" the host bangs the gong and they stop the short. ALL the shorts were total nonsense. For reals. It was so funny. For one of 'em the sound didn't work so some guy in the audience just started narrating it and he was so funny they gave him the microphone. Turns out the host was Max Cannon. I didn't say hi to him, but he was so cool. Max Cannon is the creator of Red Meat the comic strip. Look it up. I totally want to go to all the First Friday Shorts now.
My new friend Georgia came! I sat next to her and Greer. Georgia is awesome. Elida was there too I didn't talk to her much though. Which is sad. I love Elida.

Afterward, Like at midnight. David S, Genevieve, Alejandra and I went to Cheba Hut. It stays open late so that's a thing. It's okay. David is super cool I really like him. We talked about the controversial Mormon stuff. So we got along wonderfully.

Alejandra is really cool too. It was the first time I met her. She's one of Genevieve's old friends. I need to get to know her better because she's so fun.
I don't have to work today, which is nice. I could use some rest. Just kidding! If you never slow down you never grow old! I have lots of fun and churchy stuff to do today! Yay!

From Petite Mort by Jiri Kylian