Slaughterhouse-Five by Kurt Vonnegut

So. I love life. I really do. I love how I can't make sense of all the different attitudes. You would think that there'd be one prevailing attitude that is perfect and everybody adheres to. But life isn't that way.

This morning I finished reading Slaughterhouse-Five. It was a good book, there wasn't much of a climax, or any dynamic characters, many times I found myself wondering what it was that kept me reading it. It had a fatalist attitude. That everything is pre-determined. And it was pretty convincing. It was about a guy named Billy and he was in World War 2 and it described the horrors of war in a very matter-of-fact way. The war had to happen there wasn't anyway to stop it. Or stop what you did.

It has the idea that we are not in control of ourselves. Sometimes I think that way.

Another big point of the book is that you re-live everything over and over. The books is told in flashbacks. And everything we experience is stuck in our brains forever, and there is no concept of time in our brains. So its like we're experiencing war at all times. This is convincing too, because everything we go through is a permanent part of us. My brain is shaped by ALL the little things I've done. Its all in there.

In a way, we're just actors following a predetermined path. Wow. It does make sense you know.

This morning after I finished the book my Mom and I had a little chat about agency and choices. And temptations. Just because you are tempted doesn't mean you're a sinner. Or you're a bad person. You have a weakness and acknowledging the weakness is beneficial because you know what you need to work on. And our lives are not predetermined, we have choices we have control over our lives. Which makes sense because I don't feel like I'm being controlled by fate. I feel like I am in control of what I do.

Slaughterhouse-Five is kinda depressing. Fatalism is a little depressing, but if you look at it with the right attitude, it's kinda liberating in a way. hmn.

Last night I stayed in with my brother, we watched Seinfeld and played Super Nintendo. Oh it was fun. We laughed a lot. And the Super Nintendo is so crazy. I love it.

In a freak accident this morning the video cable that runs from the Super Nintendo broke and left a piece in the television. So we can't plug the Super Nintendo or the DVD player into the tv. Now all we can do is watch Wheel of Fortune. Which is kinda sad, but you know, that's the way the cookie crumbles.

I spent the last hour and a half trying to get the little metal thing out of the tv. It's a lost cause. I chipped my tooth trying to push a needle into the metal bit. It's really not that bad, just a little battle scar. Dude. The chipped tooth is a bit of a wake up call. Its like a miniature mid-life crisis. I'm not a young healthy boy anymore. My body isn't like it used to be.
I guess chipping my teeth was meant to be. Or it was my poor choice to use my teeth to fix a tv. haha.

Margot Fonteyn